You are never going to run into Betty Crocker walking down the street some day, because Betty Crocker doesn't exist, at least not as a real person.
Betty Crocker, of course, is the well-known symbol of the General Mills company. She was brought into existence back in 1921 as a composite sketch of several female General Mills workers. In February 1996, on the 75th anniversary of her creation, Betty Crocker experienced her eighth reincarnation, this time as a computer morph which digitally combined facial features from seventy-five real women.
Betty Crocker does not exist as a real person. She is an idealized, artificial composite of the features of numerous real women.
I believe you could say the same about the woman poetically described in Proverbs 31. This is not a description of a real individual, some woman with a name who actually lived and had a history. The woman of Proverbs 31 is an idealized personification of many of the strengths, virtues and abilities that are desirable in a good wife.
Such an idealized composite of the best and most desirable can be intimidating. I am reminded of my experience in seminary when I was tempted to covet the strengths and abilities of all my professors. If only I knew Greek as well as my Greek professor, Hebrew as well as my Hebrew professor, Bible content as well of my Bible professor, church history as well as my church history professor. If only I could preach as well as my homiletics professor, pastor as well as my pastoral theology professor, counsel as well as my counseling professor. And so on and so on.
But such an idealized person does not exist. No one has all the necessary gifts nor the time to develop them. And if there were such a "super-minister" somewhere, I don't know if I would advise calling him as pastor. He would have had little opportunity to develop humility or to learn to exercise dependent faith in God's ability to bless the work of a less than perfect minister.
The idealized wife of Proverbs 31 does not exist either. She has been given to us as an ideal for every Christian wife to aspire to. As the Christian wife looks to Jesus to strengthen her, to empower her to be everything she ought to be, she has this text to inspire and motivate her.
Before we begin looking at the woman of Proverbs 31, let me comment on the literary form of this passage. This passage in the Hebrew is an acrostic poem. There are twenty-two letters in the Hebrew alphabet, and this poem has twenty-two lines, each beginning with one of the twenty-two letters of the alphabet in its proper order. That is why I entitled my sermon, "The ABCs of the Noble Wife." This, of course, is a feature found in the Hebrew but lost in the English translation. One of the purposes of this sort of poetry is to aid memorization. It's easier to memorize a poem when you know the first line starts with the letter A, the second line with the letter B, and so on. This passage was designed for young women to memorize as they prepared themselves for marriage, and for young men to memorize as they learned what to look for in choosing a wife.
Now let's examine the passage. We will look at three points about the noble wife described in Proverbs 31: her rarity, the reason for her worth, and the root cause of her worth.
Her Rarity
The subject of this poem is what the New King James Version calls the virtuous wife. When the word here translated "virtuous" is applied to men trained for warfare, they are described in 1 Chronicles 12:8 as those "whose faces [are] like the faces of lions, and [are] as swift as gazelles on the mountains." When the word is applied to shepherds in Genesis 47:6, they are described as competent shepherds qualified to be the chief herdsmen over Pharaoh's livestock. When the word is applied to Boaz in Ruth 2:1, he is a man of great financial substance and wealth. This word carries the concepts of strength, valor, exceptional abilities and excellence. When applied to women, the word is translated "virtuous." The word is applied to women in three verses: It is used here in Proverbs 31 to describe the idealized wife of excellence. In Ruth 3:11, the word finds its concrete expression in Boaz's evaluation of Ruth. And finally, the word is used in Proverbs 12:4, which says:
"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones."The virtuous wife then is the wife of valor, the wife of strength, the wife of exceptional abilities, the wife par excellence.The worth of such a wife is here said to be beyond the worth of rubies. Rubies and other precious stones are valuable not only because of their beauty but also because of their rarity. If there were ruby pits analogous to gravel pits, then rubies would not be very valuable. But precious stones are not only beautiful but also rare, and thus the law of supply and demand makes them very valuable. That is why people search to the ends of the earth to find them, and that is why people dig into the depths of the earth to retrieve them.
The Bible here tells us that the noble wife is an even greater treasure. She serves a higher purpose than precious stones, and she is just as rare, just as hard to find. Even in paradise, in the Garden of Eden, Adam was not complete until God had provided him with Eve, his wife and helpmeet and the future mother of their children. Before Eve's creation, God had to say, "It is not good for man to be alone." Adam, in naming all the animals, could not find any helper truly suitable for him and compatible with him. Adam needed Eve as his companion, as the mother of their children, and as his helper in subduing the earth. It was not until after the creation of Eve that God could look upon the creation and say, "It is good, it is very good." Such is the value of the virtuous wife.
Or consider the example of Abraham. In order to secure a noble wife, a godly life companion, for his beloved son Isaac, Abraham sent his head servant on a quest to a distant land where he would find Rebekah. No doubt Abraham could find a precious stone there in Canaan, but he had to hunt in distant places to find a noble wife for his son Isaac.
The noble wife is rare like the gem stone, but she also has an intrinsic beauty like the gem stone. And that is our next topic: the reason for her worth.
The Reason for Her Worth
Our passage first gives a general reason for her worth in verses 11 and 12:
The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.The noble wife is worth so much because her husband can safely trust in her. I am reminded of the trust the Pharaoh put in Joseph when he made him overseer of all the land of Egypt. Pharaoh said to Joseph:
"... there is no one as discerning and wise as you. You shall be over my house, and all my people shall be ruled according to your word; only in regard to the throne will I be greater than you. ... See, I have set you over all the land of Egypt" (Genesis 41:39-41).Whenever we trust someone, depend upon someone, rely on someone, we are vulnerable. We are taking a risk. Depending on someone who is not dependable is like leaning on a staff that is a broken reed; it will break and pierce one's hand (cf. Isaiah 36:6). Proverbs 15:19, using the same Hebrew word translated trust in Proverbs 31, says:
"Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth and a foot out of joint."That is very dramatic language. Trust in an unfaithful person is a constant pain and inconvenience like a bad tooth or a foot out of joint, but a husband can safely trust the virtuous wife.This statement in Proverb's 31 that a husband can safely trust the virtuous wife is really unique, and here is why. The Bible usually uses this word translated trust to encourage us to rely on God alone and to be wary of any and all creaturely confidences. Our highest level of trust should be reserved for God.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says:
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.Jeremiah 17:5-8 says,
Thus says the LORD: "Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart departs from the LORD. ... Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, and whose hope is the LORD. ..."The Bible repeatedly uses this particular Hebrew word to exhort us to trust God and to warn us not to trust other people or idols or riches or military might or anything else in the creaturely realm. There is one exception. Proverbs 31:11 is the only verse where the Bible uses this particular Hebrew word to commend an area of trust in the creaturely realm, and that is the trust a man can have in a wife of noble character. This unique usage of this Hebrew word in this verse shows how special and important is the virtuous wife, and what a vital help she can be to her husband.
Every man should have a sense of calling in life, a sense of mission that is somehow related to subduing the earth for God and ruling the earth under God. And he should be able to trust his wife as his suitable help in fulfilling that vocation. The husband and wife should share a life vision to which they are jointly committed. The husband should feel confident to delegate responsibility to her without having to micromanage her work or always be looking over her shoulder. He should sense that he and his wife are working together and not at cross purposes. He can safely trust in her. She is not a broken reed. He can lean on her with no fear that she will break and pierce his hand.
The passage goes on to say that the result of the husband's being able to safely trust is that "he will have no lack of gain." The word here translated "gain" is normally used for the spoils of war or a windfall that comes to someone apart from his own effort. Again, we are reminded of the great blessing a virtuous wife can be to a godly man.
The passage goes on: "She does him good and not evil." A wife can make or break a man. She can be a blessing or a bane. She can be the wind at his back or the wind in his face.
Proverbs 12:4 says,
"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones."Think of Eve handing Adam the forbidden fruit. Think of Solomon's wives drawing him into pagan worship. Think of Jezebel masterminding Ahab's murderous theft of Naboth's vineyard. Think of Job's wife calling upon him to curse God and die. The virtuous wife is a man's crown. The shameful wife is rottenness in his bones.Truly, the noble wife, the virtuous wife, the wife of godly character, is more valuable than rubies. We have looked at the general reasons for the worth of the virtuous woman. Now we want to look at some specific reasons given in the passage in verses 13-28. Here we see
Her Resourcefulness
She seeks out what her family needs, especially food, and she is not limited to local sources. She is like a merchant ship which travels far to find that for which there is a demand and need.
Her Sacrificial Dedication
She is not afraid of manual labor; indeed she willingly works with her hands. She rises early to prepare provisions for both her family and for those servants working under her. She stays up late at night to work by the lamplight turning wool and flax into thread, and thread into garments and sashes.
Her Entrepreneurial Spirit
She buys wool and flax and invests labor in them to turn them into more valuable garments and sashes to sell to merchants. She is confident that the merchandise she sells is of high quality and therefore worthy of a good price. She uses her profits to buy a field and to improve its value and usefulness by financing the planting a vineyard.
Her Managerial Ability
She oversees her household, and directs its affairs with wisdom and kindness. She does not misuse her delegated authority over the household. She actively participates in its running and does not waste the day in idleness.
Her Charitable Spirit
She extends not mere alms but the helping hand. Here charitable giving is personal help which brings her into direct contact with the needy. She is like Dorcas, the seamstress mentioned in Acts 9:36f, who "was full of good works and charitable deeds which she did."
Her Farsighted Preparedness
She plans and prepares and thus is not afraid of the future. In fact, she shall rejoice in time to come. She is prepared for the rainy day and the snowy day. She knows that when the cold comes, her household will be clothed in the best garments.
Her Good Taste
She is a woman of taste in her dress. She is not caught up in the gaudy excesses of worldly dress warned against by Isaiah in the Old Testament and Paul in the New Testament. She doesn't use elaborate hair styles and excessive jewelry and extravagant cosmetics to call inordinate attention to herself, but neither does she neglect her appearance. Her dress is appropriately modest but also appropriately dignified and becoming.
Her Ability to Facilitate
She is an enabler, not in the bad sense but in the good sense. Her husband is known in the gates where he sits among the elders of the land. Because of her contribution to the welfare of the household, her husband can afford the luxury of devoting himself to the service of the community, where he becomes a leading figure and influence.
And here is the concluding thought on this point:
I am reminded of something I read about one of the costs of high definition television. There are many TV studios used for local news and reports which look fine on the current low definition analogue TV reception. But if we move up to high definition television, the TV picture will show what cheap and shoddy arrangements these TV studios really are.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. Similarly, a person can come across very agreeably in the low definition exposure of casual acquaintances, and yet come across very disagreeably in the high definition exposure of home life. The virtuous wife looks well even in the high definition exposure of family life. It is hard to hide what we really are from our families, from those who know us best, from those we live closest to. Those who know the virtuous wife best are those who praise her the highest.
In Pilgrim's Progress, John Bunyan spoke of a man called Talkative. He was "A saint abroad, and a devil at home." The virtuous wife is a saint abroad and a saint at home. She talks the talk but also walks the walk.
We have looked at the rarity of the virtuous wife and the reasons for her worth. We will last look at the root cause of her worth.
The Root Cause of Her Worth
v. 30:
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. Outward grace and taste are no true measure of a woman because they can be deceitful. Outward charm can be mere learned behavior to be used to one's advantage and turned on and off like a spigot. Outward charm can be like a mask to put on and take off at will. It can be superficial and not an expression of the true inner person.
Physical beauty also is not true measure of a woman because it is vain; literally, a breath. Physical beauty is transitory, temporary. It soon passes away. One season of sickness can ruin it for life.
If a man marries a woman for physical beauty alone, what will he do when that is gone? Too many older men of means divorce the wife of their youth and marry someone younger, thereby acquiring what our culture calls a trophy wife.
The root of the worth of the virtuous wife is not deceitful outward charm or vain physical beauty. The root of the worth of the virtuous wife is the fear of the Lord. By the fear of the Lord, we mean that healthy respect for God and His Word. By fear of the Lord, we mean that healthy concern for what God thinks about what we are, what we say, what we think, and what we do. By fear of the Lord, we mean living in anticipation of hearing God say those words, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant." The fear of the Lord is not only the beginning of wisdom but also the root cause of the virtuous wife.
Young women, what is the most valuable thing you can do in preparing for marriage? It is developing the fear of the Lord. This is the key to your becoming the rarest of all jewels, the virtuous wife.
Young men, what should you find desirable in a young lady and be looking for in a wife? It is the fear of the Lord. You need to recognize this reliable sign of wifely treasure and also come to love it.
And what is the key to developing the fear of the Lord, and what is the key to learning to recognize and love the fear of the Lord? The key is spending time in the presence of the Lord in worship. The key is exposure to the glory of Christ which transforms us from glory to glory.
There may be no real Betty Crocker, and the idealized wife of Proverbs 31 may be beyond full concrete realization in the life of any one woman. Yet by abiding in Christ, by looking to Him in faith and adoration, by worshipping Him, Jesus can progressive transform the ordinary woman into the virtuous wife.